and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
