We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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