1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
