I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
