i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We need a shit load of segways right now
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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