Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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