guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
