It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
