Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he fucked my hip out of place.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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