so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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