If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
