my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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