Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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