White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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