Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
