actually, I'm a sock model
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
