god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
No subtext here. People are naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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