I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
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Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
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Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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