I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
