meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
