Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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