honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
