hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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