I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You ruined the universe
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
