I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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