Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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