Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
