Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
