boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
