It's Friday. Sex?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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