Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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