question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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