your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
