Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
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at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
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You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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