I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
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You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
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I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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