Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
