Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
