You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
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my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
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This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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