i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
