im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
