Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
