I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
