One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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