I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
