No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
