Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
