I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
