He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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