I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
