If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
