About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize