just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
