Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
This is classic penis vs brain.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
