i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The best revenge is premature balding
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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