We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
