So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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