What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
do nipples grow back?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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