Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
