I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
