can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I FOUND THE LEGS
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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