i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize