yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
